Hey hey hey beautiful readers!
Thank you so much to everyone who came to this page and read my first blog post and thank you now for visiting my second one! I have this little button on here that says how many people have read my page and it was way more than just my mom so, thank you!
Today I just wanted to share with you guys something that has been weighing heavily on my mind and heart lately.
And that is calling someone the U word for no reason. Why do we do it?
I would like to think I’ve grown as a person through my experiences thus far in life (and yes I know I still have a long way to go and a lot to learn) but I catch myself casually throwing this word around in conversation and thinking why do I say these things? Is this something that is going to lift someone up or bring them down?
And because of this growing as a person that I am trying to do, I have cut the word Ugly out of my vocabulary entirely.
ZERO. ZILCH. EL ZIPPO.
(Yes that was from Hannah Montana)
But from this day forward, I won’t use this word at all anymore when talking about a human being. Ugly should not be used to describe a person. It should not be an adjective that’s thrown at people just because I am mad at them.
And I caught myself doing this just the other day.
“Oh don’t worry about her, she’s ugly”
And it didn’t matter that I wasn’t saying this mean word to her face because, I may as well have. She may not have heard me call her the U word but someone far more important did: God. Now this petty argument seemingly between me and this person was now between my heart and the Lord’s.
And I’d wager that He was incredibly hurt by this comment. Hurt that I said something so rude about a brother or sister in Christ and hurt that I was acting through my words and actions, so incredibly ugly.
Girls are already so mean to one another, why add fuel to that fire? Not me. Not anymore.
Now let’s throw it back to high school for a moment because yes, all of the stupidest things I have ever done did happen in high school (and is where this habit started in the first place).
There was a girl, let’s just call her Suzy (obviously not her real name). Suzy was, as far as I could tell, out to get me. I genuinely thought that this girl’s sole purpose in life was to make my life miserable. Suzy did a few things to me that were, well, not so good. And like any rational teenage girl, I was angry with her.
And what do us females do when we are mad at other females?
We talk badly about them behind their backs and to our friends. DUH.
To my friends, I said that Suzy was ugly (among other things).
And it’s incredibly sad looking back now but my friends encouraged this behavior. My friends were excited to hear new drama; they were ready to call Suzy ugly as well.
And I hope that you can see now what I didn’t see then: that one thing had nothing to do with the other. It made no sense to call her ugly because I was angry with her. It made no sense that I didn’t mention said thing she did to make me mad at her in the first place.
And Suzy for the record is not ugly. She’s actually a very pretty girl.
But why did I choose to call her ugly? Because for a split second after calling her this, I felt better about myself. I felt that because I called her this nasty word I had somehow won.
But I didn’t win.
And afterward it hurt my heart to call her that name, to say out loud to another person that Suzy was ugly.
I truly believe that ugliness is only found underneath the skin where no one can see it; no one is ugly on the surface. I know it’s very overused and cliché of me to say this, but everyone is beautiful in their own way.
And I didn’t know Suzy well enough to call her ugly. I didn’t know the parts of her that made her beautiful or deemed her ugly. I didn’t know what was inside of her heart.
Even though, I kept doing it, kept calling the people who did me wrong ugly, kept feeling for a nanosecond a little better, I knew it was wrong. I knew it wasn’t true. I knew it was stupid. And I knew it was something that God was looking down on me in disappointment because in truth, calling someone else ugly made me ugly.
I remember immediately after calling someone this, I would feel horrible. I felt like I didn’t deserve the right to call someone else that. And I was right in feeling that way.
Subconsciously, I always thought that God would make me ugly because he heard me calling someone else this word.
And I’m not talking metaphorically as in I’m ugly because I’m the one calling people names but as in God will use his lightning bolt powers to strike me and rearrange my face so it looks like I used one of those snapchat filters that squeezes your face and gives you a major five-head.
I know, I’ve seen Beauty and the Beast one too many times.
But if this didn’t scare me into not using the U word, then what will?
Who am I to call someone ugly? When you really think about it, I’m not Blake Lively or a Victoria’s Secret model, so how do I even get to call other people ugly?
Truth is, I don’t.
And it was a few days ago when I caught myself doing this that I really took a step back to say:
I’m only saying these hurtful words because I am angry with this person. It’s not true and saying it out loud certainly doesn’t make it true.
I’m the one who is ugly. My heart is ugly for thinking such things about another person and that’s when I said enough is enough.
Enough with this word, I am getting rid of it. I don’t need it in my life; I don’t need to use it.
And if you are still with me (and I hope that most of you are), I want to encourage you to do the same. Ugly is a word that none of us need to use. Not about ourselves and not about other people. I’m not ugly, you are not ugly, your neighbor isn’t ugly, your enemies aren’t ugly, Suzy isn’t ugly, your friends aren’t ugly….
Words that hurt people are ugly. And people who set out to hurt others are ugly.
Calling someone ugly doesn’t make you any prettier. It doesn’t make you any better than that person. It doesn’t make you any happier.
IT DOESN’T DO ANYTHING FOR YOU.
This word won’t affect them at all as long as they remember that they are beautiful.
We are all.
And just to throw in a passage from everyone’s favorite book:
“But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.'”
1 Samuel 16:7
God created you. You are made beautifully and lovingly in His image. You are physically beautiful and being called ugly by another person will never take that away.
Do not ever forget that.
And all of this aside, where beauty really counts is within us. What lies in our hearts is far more important than what shows on the surface.
God spent time creating you, molding you into the very best version of yourself. He sees what lies in our hearts and I think, He would be proud to see the U word wiped from our tongues.
Anyway, because I had one of those rare moments where I thought to myself,
THIS IS SUCH A STUPID THING TO SAY
It has just been weighing pretty heavily on my heart and mind. I thought in sharing it with you all, I can become more conscience of my words and actions as we all should be anyway.
And again I want to emphasize that this is a choice. We choose the words we bring into the world, that’s a gift God gave to all of us. It is a gift to be able to say to myself:
“I’m not going to say the word ugly anymore. Not about anyone or anything. I don’t need it.”
I hope in the future to choose my words more wisely and honor this gift by using words that breed positivity and inspire happiness.
I have come to realize: what’s important in life is not to bring others down but rather build them up. And when you are given the opportunity to do either or, I hope that you’ll follow me in choosing to lift them up!
Love and Hugs,