If I ever think of a really good idea to blog about, I start typing right away while it is still fresh in my mind and I am at the peak of inspiration. Today’s post was actually inspired by something that happened recently and my mind has been running nonstop with ideas, advice, ranting (lol)- ever since.
You know me. I like to turn my unfortunate situations into a life lesson for all of the people reading this post because hey- we’ve all been there. We can learn from each other’s experiences and help to build that sense of understanding. I want to get my point across-because I think it is a very important one- but I might find myself ranting.
Obviously we are going to talk about mean girls in this post and that can be very upsetting to some people i.e. me.
I’ve wanted to address mean girls in a blog post since I started this thing but I haven’t felt as passionately about it as I do right now. Right now I am obviously feeling hurt and angry, but mostly I am feeling grateful.
Grateful that I don’t have to stoop to their level to feel satisfaction with myself.
Anyway I apologize if this gets ranty. I will try my best.
The mean girl has been around since the beginning of time.
Adam and Eve started life here on earth and sometime along the way one girl said to herself:
I am going to be mean to other people and bring them down for NO REASON AT ALL.
And thus the mean girl was created.
In all seriousness, it seems like no matter what situation you find yourself in, what group you find yourself a part of, there will always be a mean girl present whose sole purpose is to try and make your life miserable.
I am a very non-confrontational person. I will do anything and everything in my power to avoid any type of conflict at all costs. I hate disagreeing with people, I hate not getting along with people. Disagreement in general just makes my skin crawl.
I hate it.
So naturally, my own personal run-ins with mean girls have been pretty minimal.
In high school -I am always throwing it back to high school to relay crappy situations – I encountered mean girls all the time.
I wish I had the words to describe the insecurity, the angst, jealousy, every teenage girl feels throughout high school. There are simply no words.
I would like to think that I have changed tremendously since I was in high school. I have grown as a person and I have a better understanding of who I am and who I want to be. I thought I was mature when I was in high school, I thought I had everything figured out, but I was sadly mistaken.
I had no idea. And I don’t think any of us have any idea who we are in high school but the problem is- we think we do.
We think Yes! I have conquered high school. Bring on college, bring on the world.
I can handle anything.
But we can’t. We still have room for so much self growth.
And even now, I still do.
There was a particular period in high school that lasted probably a few months where I couldn’t go one day without hearing a new, nasty rumor about me. Or about my boyfriend, Hunter. Or about Hunter and I. It was one thing after another after another.
And it was all started by the same one girl, or group of girls, for reasons I still do not know to this day.
But people in high school are so quick to believe even the most ridiculous of rumors because our minds aren’t very mature. We want to believe the worst in people, we want to believe that people are capable of the worst possible things.
It is my personal opinion that we all want to believe the worst in each other as teenagers because our adolescent brains are so bored with our own lives that we are entertained by the idea of scandal- even if it isn’t true.
When I finally had enough, when I didn’t think I could take another day of the lies and rumors and assumptions, I retaliated against this girl. I’m not proud of that because for the duration of this entire situation I had been strong and tried my best to ignore it.
I was so tired of people assuming things about me and my relationship that I felt the need to defend myself. I went about it all wrong.
It’s hard to hear this- I know that- but the best way to respond to a mean girl is to ignore her.
Let her have her fun, let her tear you down, let her tear everyone down. She is the one who has to live with the pain and hurt she has caused, not you.
And pray for her. I think it’s obvious that our tormentors may need our prayers most. There is clearly something wrong with her if she feels the need to bring so much hurt upon other people. There is something fundamentally broken inside her to make her feel that type of behavior is okay.
Mean girls are everywhere.
The attitude that bringing someone else down-whether to their face or behind their back- is almost wired into every girl’s brain. Almost every one of us has participated in some level of mean girl activity at some point in our life. Whether that be talking behind someone’s back, calling someone ugly, passing along a rumor that we knew probably wasn’t true. We have all done it.
I admit that occasionally I did participate in the whispering, the rumors, but I didn’t make a habit of it.
I never went out of my way to spread a rumor, break up a couple, etc…
And that’s where we get into mean girl territory…
I would say probably the worst type of mean girl encounter is of the ex-girfriend variety.
Again I don’t know what it is about being a teenager that makes our emotions run so high and our break ups go so badly.
I was dating someone (Hunter) who had a CRAZY ex-grifriend.
And I hate that I have to call her crazy because I really don’t like when people call girls crazy just for being a little jealous, or a little upset because- most of the time- it is justified. But this girl was crazy.
This girl found my Instagram page which normally I wouldn’t care that she followed me because, I mean, I take hella cute selfies and all that (:
I had no idea why she would want to follow me- being my boyfriend’s ex and all- but I didn’t think much of it.
(Look at me believing the best in people again)
I figured it out when she started screenshotting my selfies and sending them to Hunter. She would send them to him along with a message talking about how ugly and fat I am and how much better she was than me. She would literally make fun of my instagram pictures.
And blocking them does absolutely nothing to slow the crazy ex-girfriends because they are the most innovative people on the planet.
We unfortunately crossed paths at a local restaurant one evening. When I went to go use the bathroom, her and her friends started to yell my name. When I saw it was this girl and her many friends- props to her friends by the way for doing everything she told them to like if she jumped off a cliff would they….. ?
my stomach just dropped because I hate confrontation but also I hate ignoring them and looking like a weak little girl. And I just knew that something was coming.
They called me a slut, a whore, you name it- they called me it.
I just ignored them.
But when I got home and had the chance to really think about it, it hurt my feelings.
And so she won that one.
But I didn’t retaliate because it didn’t mean anything to me. Quickly they got bored of me as a target and moved on to greener pastures.
That was probably the worst run-in I experienced with a mean girl. It makes me sad to think that this level of b*tchiness is dished out to some girls on a DAILY basis. And it never ends, they are relentless.
And I guess this is where I leave you on high school because I still don’t understand why we do it. I don’t understand why we are so insecure at such a young age, I don’t understand why we cared so much about what people thought of us.
When you leave those hallways, I swear on my life, none of that matters.
And while talking about the ways mean girls treated me in high school I would like to point out that, like myself, these girls have probably changed.
But then again some people don’t.
I am currently 21 years old. I am going to college, I have a job, I am following my dreams. I am engaged to the love of my life that I have been dating for 5 years. I have no interest in drama, I have no interest in people who cause drama.
But it still upsets me.
People still want to start rumors and at this age, I know we’re still young, but we are too old to be participating in that. We are way too old to be starting so much drama. And so much pointless drama.
Just recently, I experienced an attempt to start drama with me and I have just ignored it. I don’t have time for that. But I also think that this incident shows again how much farther I still have to go. I still have room to grow and mature.
Because it hurt my feelings.
I’m not at the point where my feelings don’t get hurt because I still believe the best in people, I still want everyone to get along, I want everyone to like me.
And with mean girls, that is unrealistic.
But because I am in college I expected the pettiness, the nastiness, to just disappear. As this incident has proven however, it hasn’t.
Which bears the question:
Do mean girls ever really leave?
Do they ever grow up or are we going be experiencing run-ins with mean girls for the rest of our lives?
Which brings me to the entire point of this post- prior to the drama I have had to deal with recently- adult mean girls.
I think when we were all young, and girls were all kinds of petty, we dreamed of the day that we would grow up and mean girls would be a thing of the past.
But is it?
And what brought this question to mind is a situation I found myself in where I realized: maybe adults don’t all grow up.
I was talking to a grown woman- a mom- whom I thought would be mature, above all the cattiness and drama. She literally looked at another girl passing by, a girl that she knew who is probably 15 years old, and -I am not joking- she said to me:
That girl is so ugly.
Let me paint the picture for you. This girl, who in my opinion is a very pretty girl, is a sophomore in high school. She is literally 15 years old.
Now I don’t think I have to remind you that high school is crawling with mean girls anyway, but now we have to look out for mean moms too?
I didn’t even say anything. My initial thought was to ask why she thought she was ugly because I didn’t see that but I was too shocked. I actually didn’t say anything which is probably more awkward but what am I supposed to say to that?
It sounded like something another high school girl-probably 15 years old- would say. Not someone’s mom.
And the more I thought about it, the angrier I got.
Why can’t we all get along? Why are we, as girls, drawn to this need to insult others in order to feel better about ourselves?
Why don’t we grow out of this? Why do we stay stuck on the drama, on the pettiness, on the rumors?
Again, I find it best to ignore the rumors, the insults, the tweets, the texts, etc..
Retaliation may feel good for a minute or two but because you are a good person with high morality and a good heart- you will end up regretting it.
Be the bigger person.
I think rumors frustrate me because it hurts my feelings to know that people would believe something about me that isn’t true. In this situation I just remind myself that God knows what is in your heart. He knows your intentions, He knows truth from deception. He knows the kind of person you are and He will take care of you.
And He never lets the mean girls win. No matter how defeated they may make you feel, put your trust in Him and He will take care of you.
You’re all beautiful and deserve nothing but love!
Love and Hugs,