Hello hello hello beautiful people!
I know, I know, I KNOW I am back at you again with inconsistent blog posts after I told you I was making more time for this…
I’ve decided that I will be posting a new blog post every Friday now! I know, I know you will be waiting in anticipation every Friday from now on 🙂
I thought if I set aside one day to come out with a blog post every week, I could stay more consistent so here’s hoping!
Today’s post is something that I have been thinking about for a really long time and has been on my mind for awhile now.
And it’s this:
People don’t understand you if you’re different. Most people anyway.
Some people find your differences endearing and know that it’s what makes you unique. Others see differences as being “weird”, “off”, or just dumb.
I can be honest here-that’s what this blog is for- and say that I am defiantly not normal. I’ve always been one of those people terrified to conform, scared of fitting in. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to stand out. With my clothes, my hobbies, the way I talked and treated people. I wanted to leave people thinking: “hey, she’s a little different.”
I remember people saying:
Why would you wear that?
Why would you post that picture?
Among other hurtful things that only reinforced that I was different. But it was always intentional. The differences that make me who I am never embarrassed me, never made me want to act like everyone else. The negative comments, the people with the intention of hurting my feelings by saying I dress weird, I look weird, I talk weird never made me want to change.
And that’s important.
Because I think there is incredible weirdness inside of all of us. We all have creative ideas, huge dreams, and are drawn to romanticize everyday life. But for the most part, it’s just easier to get through high school, to get through life, by adapting to the normal and trying our hardest to blend in.
But not me.
I’m 21 years old now and I still love Disney movies, I still want to be a mermaid , I still love to read fantasy books that take me to another world. I still sometimes pretend that I go to Hogwarts, I still obsess over all the animals at the zoo, and now- I make weird Youtube videos.
And this is all okay by me. I fear the day that I wake up and don’t know all the words to the latest Disney song or I don’t remember where I put my mermaid tail. To me, these things make me feel special. They make me Cerena.
But all of this, to other people, sometimes comes across as being childish.
Okay really childish.
I’ve been told to “grow up”, “act your age”, “be an adult for once”
And these things make me very incredibly sad which brings me to the whole point of this post:
We make our own fairytales here.
This is earth, this is America. There is no magic here. There’s no guaranteed happily ever after for every character. There’s no breaking into musical songs after experiencing a hardship-there’s just hardships.
What may come across as being childish or caring about things I shouldn’t, is just how I keep the magic real in my life.
I’ve always been more on the creative side of things. I know that growing up means giving up the power to create and fantasize in my own mind.
I’ve given up so much of it already.
But if growing older and becoming mature and becoming an adult goes hand in hand with giving up my imagination entirely, then I’m not sure that I ever want that for myself.
I never want to lose the part of me that is childish because that is the same part that allows me to dream, that reminds me to believe in myself, and reminds me that it’s okay to be different.
Over the years, in moments of doubt, I found myself wondering if it would be easier to just try harder to fit in. Rather than having to defend myself, justify my creativity, and explain to those who will never understand why I do the things that I do.
In high school, middle school, elementary school I was made fun of ALL THE TIME. It was always for being different, for thinking differently, and for caring about things that my peers did not.
I remember this like it happened yesterday….. I had become inspired by a photo shoot I watched on America’s Next Top Model (don’t even lie you watched it too) where they modeled with their bodies covered in paint. I thought paint would be such a cool thing to work with, mind you- this was at the VERY beginning of my journey in learning photography so I was very inexperienced. But basically I got the idea to paint my own face and take a picture of it.
I worked incredibly hard on this photo, editing it just right, just perfect. I remember feeling nervous to post the photo to my Instagram page since- let’s’ face it- it was a little extra. Back then anyway. But I was so happy with the way it turned out and I was excited for the rest of the world to see it (okay just my Instagram followers 🙂 ).
And I remember my friends making fun of me,even my boyfriend thought the photo was weird. And that’s one of the moments when I really realized that my ideas, my thoughts, weren’t even in the same ball park as the people around me.
But I was okay with that.
I don’t owe anyone an explanation.I don’t owe anyone an apology for all the things that make me who I am.
I wanna paint my face, I wanna dream a new dream everyday, I want to take photos in front of my green screen and photoshop Hogwarts in the background. I don’t want to live a boring and mundane life. I try my hardest to put magic in every single thing that I do.
In my relationship with my fiance, Hunter, he now willingly participates in any weird thing I want to do. Whether it’s dressing up as the Tune Squad for Halloween, or taking Tangled theme engagement photos before our Tangled themed wedding.
My biggest dream in life is to be a mom someday. I hope that when that day comes, I won’t have lost all the magic. I want my children to grow up visiting Disney world, reading the Harry Potter books or whatever great adventures will come out, and I want them to know, first hand, the magic that comes along with loving yourself exactly the way you are.
I wanna be the mom who watches every Disney movie with her kids 1,000 times (and knows every song), who dresses up for fun-not just Halloween. I wanna play the soap opera that is Barbies with my daughter and take them to my favorite place- Disney World. I wanna read the books they’ll read, about adventure and magic and love.
I want to wear my Mickey Mouse ears to the grocery store and not even care.
I have done that before.
I cannot stress it enough that it is UP TO US to make our own happy ending. There is no writer with his pen to fix all of our problems and ensure our happy endings. There is only you to make sure your life is full of magic, creativity, and imagination. Do not let what other people think discourage you.
Live your life the way you want to live it, mouse ears and all. It will always be okay to act a little childish for as long as you live because we truly do make our own fairytales here.
Love and hugs,