Losing a Best Friend

Hello hello hello hello beautiful people!

 

So I skipped a week or so or a million, do not come for me! I finished this post Monday night and was sad that I had to wait 4 more days to post it! 😦

But I’m tryna be a consistent content queen 🙂

Like I have said before, I will randomly get super inspired for a blog post and just start typing away….

(that’s me right now, my fingers are literally flying across the keyboard 🙂 )

And this idea just came to me the other day and I thought:

What an interesting topic to discuss in my blog.

Because, you guys know, that I love to share my personal experiences on this blog. It seems like lately I have been sharing the more unfortunate things that have happened in my life than positives.

I should really stop doing that …

But if my own experiences, situations, and the story of how I dealt with them can help one person going through something similar, then my job is done.

And if not, you have helped me by allowing me to share these personal stories and allowing me to feel these feelings without judgement.

Anyway, the topic of losing friends is one I think most people can relate to. Especially new adults like myself who are basically growing into their adult life.

That is such a weird way to phrase that but its the only way I can think to describe it. You’re growing up and quickly and everything seems to be changing so fast.

People naturally grow apart and even the closest people find themselves  acquiring different interests, different desires for their life, and just in general, no longer fit in each other’s lives. It’s a completely natural thing. I always stress that this is completely normal. Sometimes, losing people in your life can feel like it is the end of the world.

It’s not.

And sometimes it’s inevitable. Remind yourself that the people who are meant to be in your life will always be.

But for me, I find it so incredibly weird that someone who was once your other half, someone who you were completely inseparable from, is now a complete stranger that you make awkward small talk with. Someone who knew all of your secrets, all of your dreams, and supported you no matter what, is gone.

Which is where the inspiration for this topic came into my brain because I lost a best friend years and years ago and I actually ran into her a few months ago on campus.

And it was that strangeness of just talking about small insignificant things while also knowing very very personal things about them. And them about me.

I guess we should give this person a fake name in case they read this blog post (unlikely) and also, I like giving people fake names because it’s kinda funny.

Had to be there I guess.

Anywayyyyyyyy

Let’s call her Susan.

Susan was my BEST friend. And by best friend I mean BEST BEST BEST BEST friend. She is the closest friend I have ever had. I have never been this close to anyone in my life besides Hunter (obviously) and my family.

I think we all have a soulmate in the form of a husband, partner, lover but I also think we have friends that are our soulmates as well. Like a soul sister.

She was mine.

We were friends from, I wanna say, the 5th grade to the end of our freshman year of high school.

Susan came from a family similar to mine- good parents, good siblings, Christian based home with rules and good morals. We had a lot in common- which we all know is basis for a good friendship.

And when I say we had a lot in common- no, I do not mean that we both like Chipoltle and swear by Starbucks frappecinos. We had deep and intellectual things in common.

We both wanted to write books. I remember we used to text each other excerpts from our respective novels. We would literally critique each other’s work over the phone. We would make suggestions on what to add and which parts needed to go where. It was so weird.

We both cared a lot about our grades and about school. This is so weird for two girls that were so young but we used to do our homework when we hung out. Like we would finish our homework, discuss it, and then do whatever else we had planned for the day.

We both were very religious and put our relationship with God above everything else. We used to go to church together and pray together. Praying isn’t something that  I even do with Hunter that often. I don’t know if you realize how comfortable you have to be with someone to pray with them.

So our friendship was a deep and meaningful one. In the best way.

We had different personalities. She was more outgoing in places where I was more reserved. She was much more outspoken than me, she had an easier time talking to people than I seemed to. I can’t think of an example now, but I know that I brought out a different side of her too.

Our personalities complimented each other.

I even later found it hard to be outgoing and talk to people and get outside of my little shell when she wasn’t around.

But she was my best friend, like I said. She was my soulmate. We did everything together. She was basically another sister to me.

We spent A LOT of time together. At the time, I didn’t know much of the world outside of our little friendship bubble. As quickly as we became best friends, I also became very dependent upon her.

I felt like I could’t do homework without discussing it with her, couldn’t buy an outfit without asking her opinion, or couldn’t talk to my other friends and peers without her by my side.

It was like this for awhile, well into our freshman year.

But as high school usually does, it forced us to grow apart.

We no longer played on the same sports teams-she played basketball and ran track. We no longer had every class together and couldn’t do our homework together in study hall.

She made new friends, just as I always knew she would. I mean, why wouldn’t she?

She was outgoing and bubbly and had this way of making everyone she talked to feel special. She was beautiful and all the guys seemed to like her for that even though, I always knew it was because she was such a sweet and kind person. She was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside.

She made boys feel special too.

So in the presence of this newfound space between us, in walks jealousy and spite. I was jealous that even though we still made the effort to be friends, I wasn’t her only friend anymore. I felt like I was slowly losing my best friend.

The people she became friends with weren’t the best. They didn’t share her morals, they didn’t make the best choices.  I always knew that she wouldn’t follow in their footsteps or let them influence her but it still made me angry that she chose to spend time with them. I was thinking: what about me?

To add some more drama, there were boys. There were boys that I liked that obviously chose her. There were arguments, petty fights, you know the drill with 15 year old girls.

I honestly cannot, for the life of me, remember what incident went down that ultimately led to us deciding to call the friendship quits.

Isn’t that crazy? You build this special friendship around mutual love and support and can’t even remember what led to its fallout.

That right there proves its insignificance.

The small and insignificant things, details, feelings, even relationships that mean nothing can tear two people apart- if you let it.

There were boys, other friends involved but ultimately, it was her and I who let the friendship slip.  I’m not placing any blame on her, or myself for that matter. It was a group effort- or lack of.

It was her and I who let the pettiness, the drama destroy our bond as sisters. It was us who let the little things come between us.

And if you ask me now at 21 years old, I am still the QUEEN of losing friends. Of letting old bonds fade and friendships be severed over nothing.

Also I’ve learned that it’s because I am THE WORST at reaching out to people. Hands down. But that’s a discussion for a whole nother blog post.

But just as quickly as we fell into our deep friendship, we were falling out. I knew I didn’t want our “goodbye” to be forever but I would later learn that it was.

I was too shy to reach out to her,even awhile after things cooled down and it seemed safe again. She never reached out either.

For me, it was because I was too afraid that  I would bother her with my attempts. I figured she never wanted talk to me again, never wanted to be friends again. I let the fear of being rejected keep me from reaching out to a friend and possibly save a really good friendship.

We later would be on the same sports team again for a season and there was a flicker of possibility that things could go back to normal. We hung out a few times, we talked like we used to.

But too much time had passed and things would just never be the same.

For us, that’s where the story ends. Two friends close as can be through middle school and early high school and now- complete strangers.

So here is where the life lesson comes in- grab your popcorn 🙂

I would love to meet the guy who has never lost a single friend (and like get his secret 😉 )

I wish we could be close to everyone we once were, I wish I could have kept all of my closest friends from middle school, high school, college. But the truth is, we can’t.

We’re constantly changing and just as quickly as you’re changing, so are your friends. Sometimes, friends grow in opposite directions, their visions, interests no longer align. The bond between them simply falters at the hands of these differences.

My 21 year old self doesn’t have anything in common with the people I was friends with at 17 years old. Not to say that I don’t love them and wish we were friends but as I keep growing and changing so do they.

I’ve learned from this situation alone that you lose friends- simply put.

Never in my dreams could I have imagined losing this person and yet here I was doing exactly that.

It happens. We grow up and naturally, people grow apart. It’s all a part of becoming who you are. Sometimes we outgrow friendships, we lose that common interest, that special bond.

That is completely normal. It’s so weird when you think about it but you don’t have to stay close to someone out of obligation. You move on and do your thing.

However, sometimes it can be quite the opposite. Sometimes it’s not about growing apart mentally, it’s about being scared to reach out after so much time has passed.

If you’re feeling like maybe the friendship shouldn’t have ended, maybe there was still potential there that you could start over and be close again, I encourage you to reach out to that person.

If you feel like maybe all you need is someone to make the first move and reach out, be that person. I guarantee it will almost always be mutual.

If it’s not, at least you were the one who tried, you were the one who gave it your all.

I think, for me especially, what gets in the way of mending broken friendships is fear. Fear that if you do reach out after all this time, you’ll be rejected, you’ll be ignored, you’ll be bothering them.

I would say that in most cases, that won’t be true. Nobody minds hearing from an old friend even if it’s to catch up for only a moment.

I honestly haven’t thought about Susan or our friendship in years and when I was reminded of it now- as an adult- it opened my eyes. I’ve changed so much from my middle school/ high school self and I see my own past experiences with new clarity.

At the time, I didn’t see the situation as  I do now. I was blinded by the pettiness, the drama, and honestly- feeling like  I had to hate her just because we weren’t close anymore.

But now that I’m not such a teenager, I’ve realized that the friendship was always there, just not the effort. That’s on me.

Losing friends isn’t the end of the world. It feels like the end of the world, trust me, I know. Losing a friend is worse than a breakup and way, way, way, way messier.

Friendships hurt because they matter. They”re important.

Even as you do grow up and grow apart from old friends, don’t carry any bitterness, jealousy, hatred in your heart for them. After all, at one point, they were everything to you. You can’t un-love someone.

The people who are meant to be in your life will be in your life. Cherish them, thank them, be incredibly grateful for them. Don’t ever think it’s not important to tell your friends how much they mean to you.

If you’re one of f those people with the same single best friend since birth,  I admire you. Truly.

But if you’re like most of us and you do lose a best friend or even several along your journey, just know that you’re not alone and it always gets better!

 

Love and hugs,

Cerena 🙂

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