We met, face-to-face, for the first time 21 years ago. Actually we met 21 years 6 months and 21 days ago because this is Mother’s Day.
Wow. I bet you can remember when you were 21.
All young and carefree and smiles because you were probably thinking about marrying my dad.
You probably were not thinking of me.
Maybe you were thinking of me though. Maybe in a nameless, faceless kind of way. Like when you thought of how happy my dad made you sometimes maybe your mind would wander to the thought of children who looked like him. Or like you.
Maybe you thought you would like a son, or maybe you knew you would love whatever you were given. And then shortly after, you let your mind wander to the thought of having a daughter and that was me.
Well it wasn’t me yet but it would be.
Maybe you were scared because you didn’t know how to be a mom. I mean, nobody teaches you that. But you knew already that you would love me unconditionally my entire life.
I was loved when I was only a thought. I was loved before I had a face, a name, before I even existed, I was loved.
My brother would make you a mom. And today you’ve loved him for 23 years, 1 month, and 12 days.
You were already a mom when I came along. You already loved me but after I was born,you finally got to hold me in your arms.
I have a face now! And a name!
And I didn’t know, the day that we met, that you would become my best friend, my biggest hero, and the greatest love I’ve ever known.
You were always there when I needed you. Always.
Do you remember, when I was four years old, I told you that I wanted to stay that age forever? I said I never wanted to grow up because I just wanted to hang out with my mom everyday.
I still feel that sometimes.
You and my dad brought me to church and introduced me to Jesus Christ. I remember because I was too young to really understand who Jesus was and what His role was in all of this but I always knew that He was a friend.
The love I experienced throughout my entire childhood was overwhelming. I can remember more of my childhood than most people can and it was an endless stream of love, laughter, and whole lot of forcing you to play Barbies 🙂
We drifted apart, not too far, but a little when I became a teenager. Doesn’t everyone though?
I most defiantly tested your unconditional love by being very annoying. I can remember getting into arguments and looking back, I just know they had to have been over the silliest of things. Like not being allowed to go to someone’s sleepover, being out past curfew, to name a few.
When you got sick, I always knew we were all going to make it through together. I had so much faith in my friend Jesus because He knew I couldn’t live without my mom.
He knew there were 5 children who couldn’t live without their mom.
It’s weird because I always looked to you when I needed strength and there you were, through everything, still strong, still hopeful, still amazingly unfaltering.
And now as I grow into adulthood, you’re not only my mom but my closest friend.
I tell you everything. You give me advice, you laugh at my jokes, you listen to me. You really listen to me and care about what I have to say (even if it’s just about what happened in the last book I read).
You bring out the very best in me. You’ve always taught me what it is to have morals, to know right from wrong.
We’re all tempted to make the wrong decisions, I’ve made wrong decisions before, we all have. But I always found myself feeling guilty when tempted to do the wrong thing because I love you and my dad too much to not respect the way you raised me. You can’t unlearn integrity, you can’t delete your morals.
I remember ditching the plans I had with you once to hang out with a friend. I still feel bad about it sometimes because here you were, eager to spend time with me and I made you feel like I would rather hang out with my friend. After all those years, I never hear from that friend anymore but you still want to hang out with me all the time.
I am always growing, I am always learning, but I am glad to have realized that you are my best friend forever.
You’ve always been my biggest fan, supported even my wildest of dreams. I was never afraid of dreaming too big because no matter what my latest fantasy was, you were always there to shower me with noting but love and support.
You’ve never once been selfish for as long as I’ve known you. You have always put my siblings and I first. Always. I always knew that all of my needs would be taken care of and that’s only because I have such selfless parents who were always willing to do anything for my well-being.
You taught me to respect myself and that is something I can never thank you enough for. As a young woman, I demanded respect from boys and I always knew that I didn’t owe them anything, not my body, not any part of me that I didn’t want to give them. You taught me that I didn’t need validation from anyone but me.
You’re so kind. You’re the kindest person I have ever met and you have been this kind for as long as I’ve known you. You treat everyone as if they were a friend and you go out of your way to make anyone and everyone feel special. I always strive to treat everyone with kindness and I know it’s only because I have seen you do it over and over and over again.
You know that I never say I want to be like anyone else because I like to be different, but I’ve always wanted to be like you. I’ve wanted to be beautiful just like you, know God just like you, treat others with nothing but kindness just like you.
I know that someday I’ll move out. I won’t be your 4 year old little girl anymore who just wants to spend every day with her mom. I know the future is exciting but I’ll miss the nights that I can come into your bedroom after a long day and just talk about anything and everything. I will miss having my best friend just down the hall. I will miss you and your influence over me, but I know that it will be in my heart forever.
My biggest dream, what I want most out of this life, is to be a mother. I know because I have those nameless, faceless children in my mind too. And I know that I want so badly to be a mom because I had such an incredible example of what a mother should be to watch my entire life.
I have a mom who is strong, who beat cancer, who inspires me to be kind, who shows me the way to Jesus Christ, who listens, who supports me, who teaches me, and who is my very best friend.
I have a mom who has loved me without pause, without question, with no hesitation, no conditions, just has completely and perfectly loved me.
I have only God to thank for giving me such an incredible mother. He really couldn’t ask for a better follower. Sometimes, I feel like I don’t deserve the parents I have been given. I don’t deserve the endless amount of blessings you have poured into my life. I could never repay you for everything that you have done for me.
I wanted you to know how much you mean to me not only on this special day, but for everyday for the rest of our lives. I wouldn’t trade a single moment with you for anything in the world. I love you so much! Happy Mother’s Day!
Love you forever,